Category Archives: Farce

Forbidden Fruit Fatwa

The Ridiculous Islamic Fatwa ™ industry is the gift that keeps on giving. Here is the latest: “Islamic cleric bans women from touching bananas, cucumbers for sexual resemblance”.

It’s another example of some sex-obsessed cleric making a religious edict based on his own personal preoccupations and, hey presto!, it’s religious law! That’s sharia for you.

CAIRO: An Islamic cleric residing in Europe said that women should not be close to bananas or cucumbers, in order to avoid any “sexual thoughts.”

The unnamed sheikh, who was featured in an article on el-Senousa news, was quoted saying that if women wish to eat these food items, a third party, preferably a male related to them such as their a father or husband, should cut the items into small pieces and serve.

He said that these fruits and vegetables “resemble the male penis” and hence could arouse women or “make them think of sex.”

Also posted in Sharia | 4 Responses

Pakistan’s list of banned words met with ridicule

Officials from the Pakistan Telecommunications Authority (PTA) have demanded that mobile operators ban text messages which contain ‘offensive’ words. The PTA have drafted a list of some 1500 words and phrases in English and another of 1000 words in Urdu. The list has become an international talking point online while the words on the list have trended on Twitter.

After serious deliberation and consultation, officials from the Pakistan Telecommunication Authority (PTA) have come up with more than 50 phrases using the word “fuck” and 17 involving “butt”.

The list includes several apparently innocuous words and phrases, including “flatulence”, “deposit” and “fondle”. Others would likely only make sense to frustrated teenagers.

Among the more printable terms are “strap-on”, “beat your meat”, “crotch rot”, “love pistol”, “pocket pool” and “quickie”.

By and large the reaction has been ridicule and all of it directed at the PTA. Not least from Pakistanis themselves:

Also posted in Freedom of Expression | Leave a comment

Same shitheads. Different name?

Oh no. Not again! [rolls eyes heavenwards]

What is the point of banning an organisation when it will only reappear with the same personnel under a different name?

So far they’ve come up with:

  • Al-Muhajiroun
  • Al Ghurabaa
  • Islam4UK
  • Call to Submission
  • Islamic Path
  • London School of Sharia
  • The Saved Sect or Saviour Sect

Help out Andy Choudary and the girls. What should be the name of their next incarnation?

The Yasmin Fostok Fanclub

Also posted in Obscurantism | 36 Responses

Beyond Parody

And now for something completely different. There is plenty of parody jihadi material doing the rounds on YouTube but the unintentional humour of Sheikh Abu Waleed from MAC (Munching A Chicken-wing) never fails to delight.

The only difference is Abu Waleed isn’t doing parody. His stuff is for real!

Posted in Farce | 3 Responses

SpinWatch Supports the work of Bob Lambert, the Police Spy and Lobbyist

On David Miller’s SpinWatch site is an open letter to spy master Bob Lambert, soliciting him with an opportunity to clear his name in the face of recent “allegations”.

Miller opens the letter with some boilerplate text about being firmly opposed to “the infiltration of activist groups by the forces of the state, corporations and the private security industry”:

Spinwatch has – from the very beginning in 2004 – been involved in investigating the infiltration of activist groups by the forces of the state, corporations and the private security industry.  One of the earliest cases we examined was the infiltration of London Greenpeace, with which you have reportedly been associated. Since then we have done extended work on the infiltration of the Campaign Against the Arms Trade (The Threat Response Spy Files) and most recently on the 2010/11 case of police spy Mark Kennedy. We have done this work in close collaboration with the activists who have been infiltrated, destabilized and betrayed. Spinwatch stands in solidarity with the infiltrated.

Also posted in Crime, The Far Left | 1 Response

The Halal McCarthyism of Spymaster Bob Lambert

Here’s some fly-on-the-wall film footage of when Inayat Bunglawalalaland and Mohammed Ali Harrathnophobia had to convince a senior IFE cadre that it was necessary to continue supporting the McCarthyist infiltration of their Islamist groups by police spies.

[Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is coincidental. No Islamic extremists were hurt during the making of this film]

Posted in Farce | Leave a comment

Karzai abandons talks with Taliban

Afghan President, Hamid Karzai, supported engagement and negotiations with the Taliban for years. Not anymore:

KABUL – President Hamid Karzai of Afghanistan, who for years pushed for reconciliation with the Taliban, now says attempts to negotiate with the insurgent movement are futile and efforts at dialogue should focus instead on neighboring Pakistan.

Karzai explained in a videotaped speech released by his office yesterday that he changed his views about trying to talk to the Taliban after a suicide bomber, claiming to be a peace emissary sent by the insurgents, killed a former Afghan president, Burhanuddin Rabbani, at his home on Sept. 20. Rabbani was leading Karzai’s effort to broker peace with the Taliban.

“Their messengers are coming and killing. . . . So with whom should we make peace?” Karzai said Friday to a gathering of the nation’s top religious leaders that was videotaped.

Also posted in Terrorism | Leave a comment

unfortunately, this is not haredi satire….

i came upon this notice in synagogue this morning. it makes interesting reading – as a piece of satire, of course, which i hoped and prayed it is, but unfortunately, on investigation, it isn’t, although it was, due to its over-the-topness, taken as such by the regulars, which was a relief. i know there are synagogues where it would not occur to anyone to think it might be satire – there is at least one commentator who sympathises, but nevertheless thinks it’s “overstated”!

the state of "yiddishkeit" yesterday

the state of "yiddishkeit" yesterday

anyway, it appears to be (you can download it from here) from one of the increasingly odd sub-groups of the breslover sect of hasidim, who you may have seen in the recent tv documentary partying at their annual jamboree at the sect founder’s tomb in the town of uman in the ukraine. they are regarded as somewhat odd even by other hasidim (in a kind of sufi high-on-G!D hippy kind of way) but they are rather obsessed with the kabbalistic aspects of correct sexual activity, the piece itself being extremely revealing of the attitudes that filter through in much of the discourse from the haredi world, particularly the hasidic bits, so i thought i’d share it, with some translation and commentary:

Also posted in Activism, Esoterica, Exegesis, Freedom of Expression, Freedom of Religion, Hermeneutics, Jewish Extremism, Laughs, Nutters, Obscurantism, Sectarianism, Sexuality | Leave a comment

Where Men are Men and Donkeys are Nervous

Tarek Fatah writes:

“Just when you thought news from the Islamic Republic of Pakistan could not shock us any more, here is a report about a man caught in a private moment with a donkey. The poor donkey is then declared to be an adulteress (Kari) by a village council who have the animal shot dead for the act of illicit sex. The donkey’s lover is reported to have gone into hiding.”

He is referring to this true story:

SUKKUR: Incredible though it may sound, a donkey was declared ‘Kari’ and shot dead here in a remote area on Monday. The Jirga imposed 110,000 rupees fine on the alleged ‘Karo’.

The reports said that in Village Ghahi Khan Jatoi, a villager Ghazi Khan alias Malang shot dead his donkey on being ‘Kari’ with Sikandar Ali alias Deedo. He attempted to kill Sikander too but the alleged Karo managed to escape and surrendered himself to an influential person of the area.

Also posted in Sharia | 2 Responses

The Golden Child: Abu Usamah Ath-Thahabi

This is a cross-post from the now, sadly, defunct blog Salafi Burnout


The Grand Muff Diver

The next entry into our rogue gallery is the one mockingly called “Goldie” by the late Abu Uwais Ahmed Abdullah Ali (May Allah have mercy upon him) Abu Usamah Khalifah Ath-Thahabi. Abu Usamah is a fast talking, intelligent and very talented individual (especially for manipulating women) that never lived up to his potential because of his love for the opposite sex and the ensuing scandals that caused a lot of brothers to distrust and in some cases to even hate him. His impulsive nature also caused him to bounce around a lot (New Jersey, England, Florida, Philadelphia, Cleveland, Peoria, England again). However along the way, he would marry a lot, and there are at least two women that have written in and confirmed to have had fully sexual relationships with him that were not his wife. He used his fame within salafi circles and position as Imam to swoon women.

Posted in Farce | 69 Responses
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