This is a guest post from Saudi Arabia by Mullah Anonymous
Minister of Saudisation and Slavery
It is with regret to announce the sudden death of the Yemeni origin Saudi Minister of Labour Mr. Adel Fakieh. His death was a result a Road Traffic Accident. He was being driven by a Bangali chauffeur whose work permit profession was documented as baker. The car was of German origin while the colliding vehicle was Japanese whose driver is of Sudani origin . Mr. Adel was dressed in the finest robes at the time made of silk from Iran and stitched by the tailors from Pakistan. Emergency services move his obese body from the accident site to the Indian owned Saudi German Hospital. Attempts by professional Filpino and Egyptian medical staff (who were very busy training certain idiotic Saudi graduates of Bedouin origins on the importance of oxygen to the human brain), were unsuccessful. All the work permits of the medical staff were in order, except the radiologist from India was discovered to have a fake degree.
1) Invoke the “Eternal punishment of Allah” on people if they don’t vote for you:
2) Out-Muslim and out-Pakistani your Muslim opponent by claiming not to drink alcohol and insinuate the other guy is a lesser Muslim and unfit for public office because he might.
“Let me point out to all the Muslim brothers and sisters what I stand for. I, George Galloway, do not drink alcohol and never have. Ask yourself if the other candidate [the Labour candidate, Imran Hussain] in this election can say that truthfully. I, George Galloway, have fought for the Muslims at home and abroad, all my life, and paid a price for it. I, George Galloway, hold Pakistan’s highest civil awards.”
These guys are either very brave or very stupid. By taking the piss out of the all-powerful Pakistani military, its political establishment and its Islamist sympathies in a satirical music video on a wide-range of issues that vex many Pakistanis – they are taking a big “artistic risk”. Take a look at the last still in the video; the singer holds up a placard which has written on it:
“If you want a bullet through my head ‘Like This Video’.”
In the last days of his life, the AP reports, Osama bin Laden considered changing the name because of a loss in the al Qaeda brand worth most likely caused by its connotations to indiscriminate slaughter and wanton violence and some very wanky student politics at a few of University of London ISOCs.
The problem with the name al-Qaida, bin Laden wrote in a letter recovered from his compound in Pakistan, was that it lacked a religious element, something to convince Muslims worldwide that they are in a holy war with America.
Maybe something like Taifat al-Tawhed Wal-Jihad, meaning Monotheism and Jihad Group, would do the trick, he wrote. Or Jama’at I’Adat al-Khilafat al-Rashida, meaning Restoration of the Caliphate Group.
The website Islambase was the online presence for members of Anjem Chaudhuri’s rebooted incarnations of Al-Muhajiroun – Saved Sect and Al-Ghuraaba (or Mojos as we prefer to call them) – after the demise of Omar Bakri’s Paltalk. In December 2007 Islambase was part of an investigation by a team of Russian hackers, who entered several extremist Islamist sites around the world. They recorded the key strokes of certain users of these extremist sites for up to several days and have helpfully published their findings.
So what can we see from the reports? What kind of noble and conscientious activities did these pious, virtuous and upright Muslims get up to online in preparation for jihad on earth and for life in the hereafter?
Guy Baldwin, who is a techie and terror tracker, checked out the results of the Russian investigations and he has gives us the shocking but wholly predictable look into the porn consumption of Anjem’s homeboys and girls:
At the height of World War II on April 6th, 1943, British Ambassador to Moscow, Sir Archibald Clark Kerr, wrote the following letter to Foreign Office minister Lord Reginald Pembroke in an effort to brighten up his day. Proof – as if it were needed – that name-based punnery and mild xenophobia did a roaring trade long before the internet was fired up.
The Foreign Office
6th April 1943
My Dear Reggie,
In these dark days man tends to look for little shafts of light that spill from Heaven. My days are probably darker than yours, and I need, my God I do, all the light I can get. But I am a decent fellow, and I do not want to be mean and selfish about what little brightness is shed upon me from time to time. So I propose to share with you a tiny flash that has illuminated my sombre life and tell you that God has given me a new Turkish colleague whose card tells me that he is called Mustapha Kunt.