- a woman causing an earthquake yesterday by blatantly showing her elbows and knees
well, i expect most of us have probably heard by now that, according to the not-at-all-bonkers iranian regime, that immodestly dressed women cause earthquakes. i expect the haitians are buying their chadors as we speak. in the interests of balance, i thought it might be instructive to see which other religious figures are saying and doing stupidly daft things this week:
1. mobile phones damage your neshama
we are reliably informed that the son of the vishnitzer rebbe, a prominent hasidic sect (that’s vishnitz, not the rebbe himself, he can’t be a sect on his ownsome) doesn’t want yeshiva students to carry mobile phones, because they can damage the neshama which, in jewish mystical thought, is one of the higher and more holy parts of the soul. i should, in fairness, point out that the damage is indirect not direct, as the mobile phone *might* be able to access the internet which *might* lead to someone looking at porn. or the student might start texting girls, or looking at them, or talking to them, or something like that. anyway, i do feel i should mention that vishnitzer women don’t in fact shave their heads under their wigs, so there are untold sensual delights on the horizon once the students leave yeshiva and head for the wedding canopy, so presumably married students can be trusted to carry phones. nonetheless, this is not the only danger out there, as the rabbi went on to say; there is an even more terrifying danger to the haredi world – the haredi newspaper.
2. haredim forbidden to read haredi newspapers
yes, you heard right; the ultra-orthodox vishnitzer hasidim have been banned from reading the ultra-orthodox newspaper, hamodia. for those of you who are unfamiliar with it, it’s slightly right of genghis khan and the only pictures allowed, if they’re of human beings at all, are something like this:
dangerous images of debauchery
anyway, it’s not allowed. as hamodia itself declares:
“ALL Haredi Jews, by virtue of their faithful commitment to lead a wholesome spiritual life, free of the gratuitous violence and nudity so prevalent in today’s media, will neither own a television set, nor have internet access or radio in their homes.”
so, are the vishnitzers worried that pictures of the latest gedolim get-together might cause a ruckus? no, it’s because newspapers might, y’know, actually inform them about, y’know, stuff that, y’know, the rabbis might not actually want them to hear…. like reports of rabbinic corruption, for example, sorry, putting them at risk of falling foul of Torah prohibitions on tale-bearing and slander. i am sure mr justice eady would approve!
3. discriminating against christians will cause civil unrest in the UK
everyone’s favourite evangelist ex-archbishop, george carey, in a letter to the employment appeals tribunal objecting to a nurse rather stupidly being forced to take off her christian jewellery, threatened that:
“The fact that senior clerics of the Church of England and other faiths feel compelled to intervene directly in judicial decisions and cases is illuminative of a future civil unrest.”
yes, you heard right – christianity is under attack, apparently. ruth gledhill disagrees, pointing out that if you want to look for somewhere where christians are actually being persecuted, there are plenty of places, but i think predicting bedlam in bristol and uproar in uttoxeter is probably a bit on the alarmist side.
4. spate of hindu beheadings anticipated
apparently a headless body found at a temple of the hindu goddess kali was ritually decapitated and intended as a sacrifice. as loony religious behaviour goes, this one is hard to beat, but i look forward to john denham putting a well-funded programme to prevent human sacrifice by engaging with bemused community leaders from neasden. or something.
5. deepak chopra takes blame for american earthquake
my favourite right now – apparently, it isn’t immodestly dressed women, but fatuous, over-indulged, stupidly rich new-age gurus that cause earthquakes. followers of deepak chopra on twitter would have seen the following:
“Had a powerful meditation just now – caused an earthquake in Southern California. Was meditating on Shiva mantra & earth began to shake. Sorry about that.”
oh deary, deary, deary me.
18 Comments
well it certainly takes one to know one…
in that case, would you like a guest spot? i’m sure we’d all like to hear what will happen if the hamster in your head working the controls pedals really, really fast.
b’shalom
bananabrain
bananabrain
Presumably it counts as work so breaks his shabbot observance so he has to spend an extra day sitting in the dark without any lights on (unless theres a servile Shabbas Goy around) to observe some stone age religious practice.
Oi….I was a Shabbat Goy, and those Jews are just swell!! I’ll have you know that Shabbat Goyim are volunteers and not slaves (you know the slaves that still exist in Islamic Mauritania and Sudan)
Can I just interject, as an ex-Shabbat Goy, and point out that the Jewish people who have the advantage of a Shabbat Goy are NOT allowed under religious law to demand or even ask for such. Us “slaves” do so because these are our neighbours and are trying to obey the will of G!d and we wish them well in this endeavour – for such, ever, ain’t bleeding easy; nor should it be.
Shabbat Shalom
{Ex Shabbat Goy}
Just as an interlude: I grew up in a new town, inhabited by the bombed-out first and second generation from East London. We had many Jews living in our streets. And we had their mums and dads – and ours – who had grown up with each other in all those bits of London. We were all the same as each other: poor, fragile, and no better or worse than each other.
I am appalled by the way that our ethnic/religious identity has become, once horribly again, a matter of some political import. My mum and dad’s generation, growing up under the fascist bombs and worse, thought that we would know better – but apparently we do not. Frankly I do not know whether to keep my peace or to weep.
To me, going around to my “uncles” and “aunties” and doing things for them on Shabbat was a sort of duty of care and love. When we forget that we do this for people, then we forget G!d Himself.
(you know the slaves that still exist in Islamic Mauritania and Sudan)
The Encyclopedia of the Jewish Religion refers to Moses Maimonides, a.k.a. Rambam, as “the symbol of the pure and orthodox faith.” His Guide of the Perplexed is considered the greatest work of Jewish religious philosophy, but his view of Blacks was Hitlerian:
“[T]he Negroes found in the remote South, and those who resemble them from among them that are with us in these climes. The status of those is like that of irrational animals. To my mind they do not have the rank of men, but have among the beings a rank lower than the rank of man but higher than the rank of apes. For they have the external shape and lineaments of a man and a faculty of discernment that is superior to that of the apes.”
Maimonides was obviouly living in Pakistan at the time and referring to the great and the good of the Jamaat-e-Islam.
Just received this email from bandanabrain
———————————————————-
dear fellow sp-tooners
unfortunately i wont be able to make it to tommorows meeting at the sp-toon offices on “religious obscurantism and idiotic religious rules”. the offices are quite far from my h-me and owing to the fvcked up religious l-ws i follow i cant use cars or public transport on sh-bbot.
b’shit
bandanabrain
“we are reliably informed that the son of the vishnitzer rebbe, a prominent hasidic sect (that’s vishnitz, not the rebbe himself, he can’t be a sect on his ownsome”
funny because you earlier wrote about one mullah
“according to the not-at-all-bonkers iranian regime, that immodestly dressed women cause earthquakes. ”
One rabbi cant be a sect on his own but one alim can be a whole regime on his own!!!
typical of the anti-Islam pro-Judaism bias of Spitoon.
“we are reliably informed that the son of the vishnitzer rebbe, a prominent hasidic sect (that’s vishnitz, not the rebbe himself, he can’t be a sect on his ownsome”
funny because you earlier wrote about one mullah
“according to the not-at-all-bonkers iranian regime, that immodestly dressed women cause earthquakes. ”
One rabbi cant be a sect on his own but one alim can be a whole regime on his own!!!
typical of the anti-Islam pro-Judaism bias of Spitoon.
Leila
And then your entire point falls apart when you realise that it was not just some “mullah”, but a Hojatoleslam (Hujjat al-Islam, in Arabic), Tehran’s acting prayer leader. This isn’t some country bumpkin sounding off on a Friday in some tiny mosque in the middle of nowhere.
The man in question, despite not yet being accorded the title of Ayatollah, is already mujtahid and is thus able to make ijtihad without reference to a marja’, as a matter of fact.
If you are going to get all up yourself about such matters, dear – at least get your facts right.
Khoda hafiz
Abu Faris
Well done for not understanding my point Abu Faris. Which was that it was one scholar to blame not the whole Iranian regime yet banana brain blamed the latter while in the case of the Rabbi only blamed the one Rabbi not his entire sect/all Rabbis in Israel/the state of Israel
Dont patronise me you misogynistic bastard.
Marwan, the Jews no longer trade in slaves so that horrific quote means nothing.
the encyclopedia of the jewish religion isn’t a religious authority. now, nobody is keener on the rambam than i am, but that doesn’t mean he’s right about everything; a century after his death they were still burning copies of “the guide for the perplexed” – he is famously controversial and famously complicated. certainly he is not regarded as the final word on everything.
no, his view of blacks was the same one that was common in the society he grew up in cordoba, morocco and egypt – all islamic countries, you’ll note, although i challenge you to find anyone in either christendom or the islamic world at all that *didn’t* have such a stupid view of race. the epithet “hitlerian” would imply that he wanted them all murdered – and i assume you can back that up with a quote or two. certainly, this view is hardly that taken by the halakhah.
unpleasant though this is, it was the prevailing “scientific” viewpoint. the rambam held that on matters of science, as opposed to religious law, one should go with the best contemporary scientific information available, whatever its source. hence, he also considered, as a doctor, that too much sex gave you bad breath. similarly, he would not hold either point of view if he were around today, because both are demonstrably incorrect by scientific method.
in fact, i wouldn’t be able to attend any meeting of spittoon contributors on shabbat, other than a social one. but then you knew that, of course, because you’re such an expert on interfaith relations.
because, as abu faris points out, the iranian cleric involved is an official of the iranian state, whereas the son of the vishnitzer rebbe is not an official of the israeli state, but a minor functionary of a rather obscure hasidic sect. the point about one rabbi not constituting a sect was in fact an attempt to clarify some poor syntax on my part, which seems to have been beyond your meagre capabilities, which seem more appropriate to producing this kind of intellectual and critical insight:
truly an inspiring perspective, there. we’re most impressed.
b’shalom
bananabrain
Don’t you love it! Islamist cheerleader calls out someone as a misogynist for criticising the idiocies of one of the “Sistas”.
Well, if I were you, I would keep her pregnant, chained to the sink, cowed and far from the PC and then, perhaps, she would not screw things up so royally for a religious-political line entirely determined by… cough… men.
And not just any official of the Iranian state. You do not get to be the preacher for Friday prayers in the capital city of Iran without having some clout.
And boy, does Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi carry a big stick! He’s an acolyte of the very sinister eminence gris of Iranian clerical fascism, Ayatollah Yazdi, leader of a sect so extreme that even the Ayatollah Khomeini banned them (officially) just after the Revolution. The same Yazdi who is now the main puppeteer pulling Ahmedinejad’s strings.
This is not the first piece of utter insanity to have emerged from the mouth of the Hojatoleslam (soon to be Ayatollah) Sedighi. Here he can be found arguing in another Friday sermon that Iranian Islamist weapons have “religious significance” (e.g., they kill the infidel).
http://www.memritv.org/clip/en/2249.htm
What a refreshing post BB, gave me a good chuckle. Whilst it’s great to hear that women are not responsible for earthquakes I do feel as though Deepak Chopra is trying to disempower women … we demand the right to cause earthquakes!!
Great to see it’s not just some of us looney Muslims that say or do stupid things
Good to see you are attracting intelligent and meaningful comments from some quarters!!